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Do you ever wonder if your ex thinks about you?\u00a0 If they broke up with you, you might assume that they are moving on pain-free.\u00a0 If you were dating a heartless and selfish person, this may be true.\u00a0 You may think they are being heartless and selfish, but most of the time there are good reasons for a break up.\u00a0 It just can be hard to feel that way.\u00a0 Trust me, your ex isn\u2019t escaping without any pain.\u00a0 They are probably still thinking about you more than you realize.<\/p>\n

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However, that unfortunately doesn\u2019t mean they want to get back together with you.\u00a0 So, why are they still thinking about you if they don\u2019t want to be in a relationship any more?\u00a0 The sad truth is that life is complicated.\u00a0 In some cases your ex may have broken up with you because they were scared of how close you were becoming.\u00a0 They weren\u2019t ready for that type of commitment.\u00a0 In those cases is really is about them and not you.\u00a0 Fear is a powerful emotion that make people do irrational things.\u00a0 This will make you want to reason with them, however you can\u2019t reason with their fear or make them ready to face it either.\u00a0 The more you push, the more they will dig their heels in and resist.\u00a0 The best thing you can do is try to move on.\u00a0 If they are running from you, the best thing to do is give them their space.\u00a0 If they decide to conquer their fear of commitment or intimacy, they\u2019ll come find you.\u00a0 At that point you can decide if you want to give them another chance.<\/p>\n

In other cases, your ex realized that something about the two of you wasn\u2019t adding up.\u00a0 Something was missing.\u00a0 It isn\u2019t because you aren\u2019t good enough.\u00a0 The rejection may make you feel this way, but the reality is that it is hard to find all the right connections in a relationship.\u00a0 Sometimes you may connect really well emotionally, but be missing that sexual spark.\u00a0 Other times you may have a really cool intellectual connection, but don\u2019t have any recreational interests in common.\u00a0 Different things are going to be more important to different people as well.\u00a0 Some people can live without having a lot of common interests as long as their values are the same and the sexual spark is there.\u00a0 However, not everyone feels or thinks the same.<\/p>\n

Your ex may have needed more from a committed relationship.\u00a0 There will be moments when they doubt their decision, but at the end of the day they know they need more than you are able to give.\u00a0 That doesn\u2019t mean they won\u2019t miss the connections you did have whether it be your friendship, the sex or going to the movies with you.\u00a0 It is just that the piece missing from your relationship was too important for them to give up.\u00a0 I know this won\u2019t help, but it isn\u2019t your fault.\u00a0 You have to be you.\u00a0 Trying to be someone just to make your ex happy won\u2019t work in the long run.\u00a0 In time you\u2019ll find that it is much better to be with someone you can be yourself around and know that it is enough.<\/p>\n

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Another case is your ex realizing you can\u2019t make each other happy.\u00a0 It is not about asking too much, it is about asking too much of this specific person you are with. \u00a0 Your relationship may be good overall, but an underlying conflict keeps surfacing.\u00a0 This can cause your ex to finally decide to move on.\u00a0 For an example, it can be a problem if you are someone who values consistency, yet your boyfriend or girlfriend is someone who lives in the moment.\u00a0 You may have a great sexual spark, be able to talk for hours, and enjoy spending time together, but if you make plans that your boyfriend or girlfriend always forgets or cancels the last minute, it can make things hard.\u00a0 You may feel like they aren\u2019t valuing your time and they feel like you are always lecturing them about it.\u00a0 At the end of the day, some couples realize they won\u2019t be able to compromise on an issue, and it tends to ruin everything else in the relationship.<\/p>\n

Is it too much to ask for someone to be consistent?\u00a0 No, but it may be too much to ask of your ex.\u00a0 They may not be able to bend enough to make you happy.\u00a0 It may bring them to the breaking point and they finally call it quits.\u00a0 This will be painful for both of you.\u00a0 Even though they broke up with you, they will still miss you.\u00a0 They will have doubts.\u00a0 This type of relationship may actually go through several break ups before it is finally over because there is a lot of good aspects.\u00a0 Not to mention the relationships they developed with your friend\u2019s and family.\u00a0 It is usually not easy to follow through with a break up.\u00a0 This is why your ex may end up texting you after a few weeks or still want to be friends.\u00a0 It is painful on both sides.\u00a0 However, one issue can become a major conflict.\u00a0 If the resentment builds, it can be hard to overcome, and the overall happiness in the relationship dies.<\/p>\n

The hardest part is convincing yourself not to beg.\u00a0 You may want to text them and try to convince them why they were wrong to break up with you.\u00a0 You may feel if they only knew how much you miss them and wanted them back, it would convince them to give you another chance.\u00a0 You may want to convince them you can change.\u00a0 What I know is this\u2026begging and stalking never made anyone look good.\u00a0 Try to fight your instinct to reach out to them to tell them one last time how much you still love them.\u00a0 This will not make you more attractive in their eyes.\u00a0 It may weaken their resolve momentarily.\u00a0 You may get a conversation, a meeting, or even sex out of your efforts.\u00a0 Remember, I\u2019m telling you they do still miss you.\u00a0 However, it won\u2019t last and then you\u2019ll be going through the pain of losing them all over again.<\/p>\n

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The point of this post is to remind you that you aren\u2019t a loser.\u00a0 Your ex didn\u2019t break up with you because there is something wrong with you.\u00a0 (If you did do something wrong, then work to fix that mistake whether they come back or not.\u00a0 Some mistakes can\u2019t be fixed within your relationship.\u00a0 All you can do is hope to correct that mistake with someone else in the future.)\u00a0 Most of the time there was something wrong BETWEEN the two of you.<\/strong>\u00a0 That means there are things your ex will miss about you.\u00a0 You may not be ready to think about finding someone else yet, but don\u2019t bash yourself too hard while you\u2019re grieving this break up.\u00a0 The reason your ex broke up with you may not be an issue for someone else, so don\u2019t go changing yourself for someone who has already closed the door in your face.\u00a0 After you feel a little better, you will realize there are a lot of other open doors with people behind them who will be able to love you for you.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Do you ever wonder if your ex thinks about you?\u00a0 If they broke up with you, you might assume that they are moving on pain-free.\u00a0 If you were dating a heartless and selfish person, this may be true.\u00a0 You may think they are being heartless and selfish, but most of the time there are good […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":148,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[13,3,22,7,2,4],"tags":[35,23,25,34,41,21,18,37],"class_list":["post-189","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-anxiety","category-break-ups","category-grief","category-healthy-relationships","category-loss","category-stress","tag-anxiety","tag-break-ups-2","tag-college","tag-healthy-relationships","tag-loss","tag-rejection","tag-relationships","tag-stress"],"acf":[],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p4s1Yj-33","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/blog.valdosta.edu\/counseling\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/189","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/blog.valdosta.edu\/counseling\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/blog.valdosta.edu\/counseling\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blog.valdosta.edu\/counseling\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/148"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blog.valdosta.edu\/counseling\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=189"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/blog.valdosta.edu\/counseling\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/189\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":196,"href":"https:\/\/blog.valdosta.edu\/counseling\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/189\/revisions\/196"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/blog.valdosta.edu\/counseling\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=189"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blog.valdosta.edu\/counseling\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=189"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blog.valdosta.edu\/counseling\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=189"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}