When a friend is going through a break up or a hard time it can be hard to know what to say or do.\u00a0 Most people mean well when they say certain things, but it can end up sounding more hurtful than helpful.\u00a0 Here are a few statements that can really miss the mark:<\/p>\n

<\/a><\/p>\n

1.\u00a0 \u201cIt\u2019s for the best\u201d<\/p>\n

2.\u00a0 \u201cDon’t worry, you’ll find someone else\u201d<\/p>\n

3.\u00a0 \u201cJust try not to think about it\u201d<\/p>\n

4.\u00a0 \u201cHe\/she wasn\u2019t good enough for you anyway\u201d<\/p>\n

5.\u00a0 \u201cWhy would you want to stay with someone who did this to you?\u201d<\/p>\n

I know these sound good in theory, and most of them are probably true statements.\u00a0 However, they don\u2019t work because our emotions are stronger than our intellect during a breakup.\u00a0 We know something in our head, but don\u2019t feel it in our heart.\u00a0 For example after watching a scary movie I KNOW there isn\u2019t a serial killer in my shower, but I FEEL like there is because now I\u2019m scared.\u00a0 So, I pull back the shower curtain to double check.\u00a0 My emotions win, not my mind.<\/p>\n

The same thing happens during a break up.\u00a0 Even if your friend KNOWS the breakup is for the best, they aren’t going to FEEL like it yet.\u00a0 They still feel extremely hurt and upset.\u00a0 It is hard for friends and family to watch someone they love be so sad.\u00a0 Most people want to cheer someone up or just make them feel better.\u00a0 The intentions are good, but only time will help your friend’s heart get on the same page with their brain.\u00a0 Trust me, no one wants to get over this break up faster than your friend, but you can’t fast forward through time unfortunately.<\/p>\n

<\/a><\/p>\n

So what can you do when your friend is still in love with someone and has been hurt?\u00a0 Sometimes you just have to let your friend feel sad.\u00a0 Things don\u2019t always have to be \u201calright\u201d.\u00a0 They mostly need you to listen and give them a hug.\u00a0\u00a0 Yes, they will need to talk about it, and most of the time they will feel guilty about needing to talk about it so much.\u00a0 Processing their feelings will help them.\u00a0 They also need to cry.\u00a0 It can be hard to watch someone cry, but being there during that time to offer emotional support without giving any suggestions will be valuable to them beyond belief.\u00a0\u00a0 Your friend can’t be rational at this point.\u00a0 Let them know it is okay for them to be sad and again, give them a hug.<\/p>\n

It may be helpful to remind them that it is healthy to balance a break up by feeling sad for awhile and then trying to find a distraction to give the brain and heart a little break.\u00a0\u00a0 Encourage your friend to vent, and then try to distract them by going out and doing something fun.\u00a0 People going through a hard time need both time to feel the reality of the situation and time to pretend they’re fine and that everything is okay.<\/p>\n

Remember, your friend didn’t choose to go through this break up.\u00a0 Most likely it was forced upon them.\u00a0 They still see good qualities in this person, and for an undefined widow of time they will jump to take this person back.\u00a0 It is easier for you to see how this person has hurt your friend and to hold on to that anger.\u00a0 Your friend will be irrational about the negative and want to cling to the positive things they miss about their ex.\u00a0 It is hard to listen to, but realize they will start to get better with time.\u00a0 Like I said earlier, break ups take time to get over.\u00a0 Try to be patient.\u00a0 If you feel they need to talk to a counselor because they are having trouble moving on, then encourage them to go.\u00a0 It does help a lot of people to talk to someone who is a neutral to the situation and a counselor will keep what is said confidential.<\/p>\n

<\/a><\/p>\n

The reality is that emotions can take a long time to heal and that is okay.\u00a0 Also know that your friend can move forward and still feel sad at the same time.\u00a0 They may start to move on and still feel \u201clove\u201d for their ex.\u00a0 It is normal to go back and forth for awhile, like 3 steps forward, 2 steps back.\u00a0 Eventually their pain will lessen and finally their brain will kick into gear all those things you’ve been thinking from the beginning.\u00a0 And if you say those phrases above months after the break up, they may finally hit the mark.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

When a friend is going through a break up or a hard time it can be hard to know what to say or do.\u00a0 Most people mean well when they say certain things, but it can end up sounding more hurtful than helpful.\u00a0 Here are a few statements that can really miss the mark: 1.\u00a0 […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":148,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[6,3,9,22],"tags":[23,32,43,41,21],"class_list":["post-28","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-being-positive","category-break-ups","category-friendship","category-grief","tag-break-ups-2","tag-friendship","tag-grief","tag-loss","tag-rejection"],"acf":[],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p4s1Yj-s","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/blog.valdosta.edu\/counseling\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/28","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/blog.valdosta.edu\/counseling\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/blog.valdosta.edu\/counseling\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blog.valdosta.edu\/counseling\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/148"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blog.valdosta.edu\/counseling\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=28"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"https:\/\/blog.valdosta.edu\/counseling\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/28\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":162,"href":"https:\/\/blog.valdosta.edu\/counseling\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/28\/revisions\/162"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/blog.valdosta.edu\/counseling\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=28"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blog.valdosta.edu\/counseling\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=28"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blog.valdosta.edu\/counseling\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=28"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}