Drinking in a relationship isn’t always an issue.\u00a0 Sometimes both people drink responsibly and there aren’t any problems.\u00a0 When it does become a problem is when one person drinks a lot more than their partner.\u00a0 It can be very frustrating when the one you love loves to drink and party with their friends every weekend.<\/p>\n

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I’ve worked with several students who started out in a relationship with both of them drinking a lot at first.\u00a0 Unfortunately, we all know drinking is very common in college.\u00a0 You may have even met your boyfriend or girlfriend at a party while drinking.\u00a0 However, as the relationship progresses and you look towards graduation some students start to feel like their relationship is pulling apart.\u00a0 I’ve had students tell me they feel like they are moving past the party scene in their lives, but don’t think their boyfriend or girlfriend is.\u00a0 Every weekend is still devoted to going out to a party and drinking until their partner passes out.\u00a0 Then they have to take care of them and get them home safe.<\/p>\n

This can cause a lot of stress on the relationship.\u00a0 Most people know that you can’t change someone else.\u00a0 But what if you change and your partner doesn’t?\u00a0 What do you do?\u00a0 You love them.\u00a0 When you spend time together during the week not drinking you are convinced this is the person you want to spend the rest of your life with.\u00a0 But when it comes to them being drunk on Friday and Saturday night again, you aren’t so sure.\u00a0 It also doesn’t help that arguments start a lot more frequently when one or both people have been drinking.\u00a0 Then Sunday is spent waiting for them to stop feeling hung over so you can talk about what happened over the weekend.<\/p>\n

It is the same old discussion over and over.\u00a0 They either tell you to get over it and you do, or they realize you are about to walk out on them and they apologize.\u00a0 They may even agree to drink less or spend one night on the weekend with you alone not drinking.\u00a0 This may happen a couple of times but as soon as their friends call and persuade them to come to the next party, you\u00a0are pushed to second place again.\u00a0 Trust me, it isn’t an easy place to be in a relationship.<\/a><\/p>\n

The choices aren’t easy.\u00a0 They never are.\u00a0 I’m not accusing your boyfriend or girlfriend of being an alcoholic.\u00a0 But anyone who has grown up with an alcoholic knows the excuses and the repeat pattern of behaviors.\u00a0 It also happens in relationships well before couples get married.\u00a0 Often in college it is hard to tell who will be the ones who go on to drink heavily for the rest of their lives and who will stop partying once they graduate and get a full time job.\u00a0 A lot of young couples in college are hoping their boyfriend or girlfriend is going to be in the latter category.<\/p>\n

You may be one of those people hoping your partner may change once college is over so you continue to give them a chance when they put alcohol before you now.\u00a0 It is hard to know what the future will bring.\u00a0 For some of you, waiting may pay off.\u00a0 Your partner may grow up, mature and alcohol won’t be an issue.\u00a0 For some of you, waiting is going to only make things worse.\u00a0 You will continue to grow more resentful.\u00a0 Unless you decide to love them as is and accept the drinking.\u00a0 Just know they won’t be able to stop because you want them to.\u00a0 They will need some internal motivation to want to stop on their own.\u00a0 Some people do grow out of the college party mode and others don’t.<\/p>\n

Time will tell.\u00a0\u00a0 No one knows what’s going to happen in the future.\u00a0 However, some patterns become very predictable.\u00a0 If your partner loves to party and has a huge group of friends who condone that lifestyle, it may be harder for them to settle down.\u00a0 Unfortunately lots of people continue to drink heavily even when they get into a career and have a family.\u00a0 Especially if they have someone who is always there to help them clean up their messes.<\/p>\n

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I know you can love someone so much that you just want to make it work any way you can.\u00a0 There are truly selfless people out there that handle being second best to alcohol or friends.\u00a0 Just ask Gene Simmons of the band, KISS.\u00a0 His wife put up with A LOT for many years.\u00a0 She finally put her foot down and Gene has changed his ways.\u00a0 Gene is also in his 60’s and she has been living with him cheating and drinking for almost 30 years.\u00a0 It can be done, but know that you don’t have to always put someone else first.\u00a0 There is nothing wrong with admitting that you can’t be with someone who puts alcohol or their friends first.\u00a0 You do deserve someone who can give you what you need.<\/p>\n

It is one of the toughest decisions you will make.\u00a0 It won’t be easy to know what the best option is.\u00a0 I know I’ve said this before, but your level of pain tolerance is what is going to ultimately decide for you.\u00a0 Either your boyfriend or girlfriend does settle down, or they will put you through a lot of pain.\u00a0 When the pain becomes too much then you’ll know when the relationship has crossed the line of no return.\u00a0 It really sucks to be put in this position.\u00a0 You also aren’t stupid for trying to make it work.\u00a0 The person you love is in there, they just also love alcohol.\u00a0 Unfortunately things like alcohol and drugs make people blind to priorities.\u00a0 Only you know whether it is worth it to wait it out or not.\u00a0 Also know that it isn’t a waste of time to wait.\u00a0 Whatever happens you will survive it, and this relationship will go on to shape who you become.\u00a0 Hopefully no matter what, you come out stronger and smarter.<\/p>\n

If you need someone to talk to, Mark Williams, in the Alcohol and Other Drug Program can be a great resource if someone you know and love is having difficulties with alcohol.\u00a0 If you are a VSU student, you can make an appointment to meet with him at any time.\u00a0 His contact information is 229-259-5111.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Drinking in a relationship isn’t always an issue.\u00a0 Sometimes both people drink responsibly and there aren’t any problems.\u00a0 When it does become a problem is when one person drinks a lot more than their partner.\u00a0 It can be very frustrating when the one you love loves to drink and party with their friends every weekend. […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":148,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[27,7,17,4],"tags":[28,23,25,26,34,18,37],"class_list":["post-30","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-alcohol-or-substance-abuse","category-healthy-relationships","category-respect","category-stress","tag-alcohol","tag-break-ups-2","tag-college","tag-dating","tag-healthy-relationships","tag-relationships","tag-stress"],"acf":[],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p4s1Yj-u","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/blog.valdosta.edu\/counseling\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/30","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/blog.valdosta.edu\/counseling\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/blog.valdosta.edu\/counseling\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blog.valdosta.edu\/counseling\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/148"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blog.valdosta.edu\/counseling\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=30"}],"version-history":[{"count":6,"href":"https:\/\/blog.valdosta.edu\/counseling\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/30\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":198,"href":"https:\/\/blog.valdosta.edu\/counseling\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/30\/revisions\/198"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/blog.valdosta.edu\/counseling\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=30"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blog.valdosta.edu\/counseling\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=30"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blog.valdosta.edu\/counseling\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=30"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}