{"id":2958,"date":"2018-02-11T18:45:51","date_gmt":"2018-02-11T18:45:51","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/commarts.pleather.us\/2018\/02\/11\/the-onions-fifty-shades-freed-review-is-a-nightmarish-descent-into-existential-dread-reminiscent-of-twin-peaks-watch\/"},"modified":"2018-02-11T18:45:51","modified_gmt":"2018-02-11T18:45:51","slug":"the-onions-fifty-shades-freed-review-is-a-nightmarish-descent-into-existential-dread-reminiscent-of-twin-peaks-watch","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/blog.valdosta.edu\/m2\/2018\/02\/11\/the-onions-fifty-shades-freed-review-is-a-nightmarish-descent-into-existential-dread-reminiscent-of-twin-peaks-watch\/","title":{"rendered":"The Onion\u2019s \u2018Fifty Shades Freed\u2019 Review Is a Nightmarish Descent Into Existential Dread Reminiscent of \u2018Twin Peaks\u2019 \u2014 Watch"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>Have you ever seen a movie so bad it made you realize you were dead? <a href=\"http:\/\/www.indiewire.com\/t\/the-onion\/\" id=\"auto-tag_the-onion\">The Onion<\/a>&#8217;s film critic has, and it&#8217;s &#8220;<a href=\"http:\/\/www.indiewire.com\/t\/fifty-shades-freed\/\" id=\"auto-tag_fifty-shades-freed\">Fifty Shades Freed<\/a>.&#8221; Peter Rosenthal describes the steamy romance as &#8220;a film that has brought me to the profound realization that I am dead \u2014 I am dead, and as a punishment for my sins I have been trapped in some kind of film purgatory where I&#8217;m forced to review these derivative sequels and disposable franchises over and over again.&#8221;<\/p>\n<aside class=\"pmc-related-link read-more\">\n\t\t\t<strong class=\"pmc-related-type\">Read More:<\/strong><a target=\"_blank\" href=\"http:\/\/www.indiewire.com\/2018\/02\/fifty-shades-freed-review-sex-comedy-bdsm-1201925918\/\" title=\"\u2018Fifty Shades Freed\u2019 Review: Finally, a Sex Comedy From a Franchise That Took Itself Too Seriously\">\u2018Fifty Shades Freed\u2019 Review: Finally, a Sex Comedy From a Franchise That Took Itself Too Seriously<\/a><br \/>\n\t\t<\/aside>\n<p>Rosenthal briefly snaps out of it from there, describing the franchise-concluding film in more standard terms. It doesn&#8217;t last long: The movie&#8217;s narrative is &#8220;so poorly constructed that, as I watched it, I suddenly shook from my years-long stupor and realized I have never, in all my existence, left this cosmic hell that is this movie-review studio.&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>&#8220;For as long as I can remember, I&#8217;ve been imprisoned here, forced to watch an endless cavalcade of rote, insipid filmmaking \u2014 one after another after another. Indeed, this is my whole world.\u00a0Every DVD that I watch it slipped in on a tray through a crack in the door over there. And recently, for some baffling reason, they&#8217;ve also been putting this revolver on it, too.&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>He then goes on to reveal that he&#8217;s never seen another person, doesn&#8217;t eat or sleep, and isn&#8217;t even sure that anybody is watching. &#8220;Is there a single living soul out there listening?&#8221; he asks.<\/p>\n<aside class=\"pmc-related-link read-more\">\n\t\t\t<strong class=\"pmc-related-type\">Read More:<\/strong><a target=\"_blank\" href=\"http:\/\/www.indiewire.com\/2018\/02\/a-very-fatal-murder-podcast-the-onion-serial-parody-1201925300\/\" title=\"\u2018A Very Fatal Murder\u2019: Even the Fake Ads Are Hilarious in The Onion\u2019s True Crime Podcast Parody\">\u2018A Very Fatal Murder\u2019: Even the Fake Ads Are Hilarious in The Onion\u2019s True Crime Podcast Parody<\/a><br \/>\n\t\t<\/aside>\n<p>It all derails from there, as Rosenthal gives up the pretense of reviewing &#8220;Fifty Shades Freed&#8221; and repeatedly asks whether anybody can hear him. Eventually he coughs up a key\u00a0that finally leads him beyond the confines of his studio; once he&#8217;s made it out the door, he&#8217;s treated to disorienting strobe lights and a recursive loop that makes him realize he can never truly escape. Watch the full nightmare below.<\/p>\n<\/p>\n<blockquote class=\"twitter-tweet\">\n<p dir=\"ltr\" lang=\"en\">The Onion Reviews &#8216;Fifty Shades Freed&#8217; <a href=\"https:\/\/t.co\/QawqLw0M4K\" rel=\"nofollow\" target=\"_blank\">pic.twitter.com\/QawqLw0M4K<\/a><\/p>\n<p>\u2014 The Onion (@TheOnion) <a href=\"https:\/\/twitter.com\/TheOnion\/status\/962052693760999425?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw\" rel=\"nofollow\" target=\"_blank\">February 9, 2018<\/a><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n<aside class=\"pmc-related-link sign-up\">\n\t\t\t<strong class=\"pmc-related-type\">Sign Up:<\/strong><a target=\"_blank\" href=\"http:\/\/indiewire.com\/email\" title=\"Stay on top of the latest breaking film and TV news! Sign up for our Email Newsletters here.\">Stay on top of the latest breaking film and TV news! Sign up for our Email Newsletters here.<\/a><br \/>\n\t\t<\/aside>\n<p>Source: IndieWire film<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Have you ever seen a movie so bad it made you realize you were dead? The Onion&#8217;s film critic has, and&#8230;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":245,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_oasis_is_in_workflow":0,"_oasis_original":0,"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_vp_format_video_url":"","_vp_image_focal_point":[],"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[1],"tags":[45],"class_list":["post-2958","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized","tag-careering"],"acf":[],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/paqOTj-LI","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/blog.valdosta.edu\/m2\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2958","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/blog.valdosta.edu\/m2\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/blog.valdosta.edu\/m2\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blog.valdosta.edu\/m2\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/245"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blog.valdosta.edu\/m2\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2958"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/blog.valdosta.edu\/m2\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2958\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/blog.valdosta.edu\/m2\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2958"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blog.valdosta.edu\/m2\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2958"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blog.valdosta.edu\/m2\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2958"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}